Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
How's work?
Spinning.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
