This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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