my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
