Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hippo gnu deer
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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