ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
