I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize