sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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