Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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