and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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