After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
