apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I got inside last night via doggy door
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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