That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You made out with two different species that night
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
