I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
