he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
