You just made me feel so damn special
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
