Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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