i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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