If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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