A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
