i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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