it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
whose parrot is this?
Let's get the cat blown out
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
