apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
