Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
