Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I can text with my tongue
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
