just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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