I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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