I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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