I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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