Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
