How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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