He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
