You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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