His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
