I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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