I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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