So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
