R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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