Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
