I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
pop tarts are not kleenex
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
