So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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