There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
