I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
