just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
