Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
