Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
