you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
