how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
