maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
