ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
