Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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