he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
