I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
