my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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