I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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