Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
