Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
