you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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