Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
