Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
