I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
