...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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