Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
