her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Houston, we have a squirter
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
not ubering you a puppy
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
