I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
