Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
