I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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