UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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