your room smells of hookers.
And success
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
