good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My vagina just clenched in fear
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
