nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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