He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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