just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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