The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
