My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize