So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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