Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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