glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
