I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
