If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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