If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
