I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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