Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
