Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
