waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So apparently I’m into choking now
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
