Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
