We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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