I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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