I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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