Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
